did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i will never coherently bang her
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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