My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
As shirtless as possible
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
