I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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