I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
