Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
