my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
home. puking in laundry basket.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
