my soul wont recognize me after tonight
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
