I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
