he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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