GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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