youre lurking in front of me
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
