You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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