Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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