apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
