I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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