She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
