Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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