I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
