theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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