I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
