What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
