can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
