im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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