The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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