Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
