i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
