I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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