Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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