so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
