and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
