Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

This dress was meant to end up on your floor

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.

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(618): View more from Illinois

she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"

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(703): View more from Virginia

I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal

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(705): View more from Ontario

My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?

(868): View more from Trinidad and Tobago-Carib

A bag of dicks

(+44): View more from United Kingdom

That's dating life

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(423): View more from Tennessee

You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.

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