Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Everyone says I win the strip club
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
