Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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