I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
