the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
