Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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