Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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