I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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