just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
