can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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