nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
