What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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