my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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