found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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