I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
