How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize