Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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