if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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