Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
