The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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