when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
In other news, I just burned my penis
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
