An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
