i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
