just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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