Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
