i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
