I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
