my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize