imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
