I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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