Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
