my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
