I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
