I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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