fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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