Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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