This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
